I lay my head to rest ....on the lawn

I plug my buds into my ear

Walking across the lawn there is a stillness yet a beat

I find a place, there I lay for now

Resting my head I close my eyes and take a breath

Open again, there the world is

above me an indigo sky looms

One lone star pricks the sky and draws all attention upon itself

Soft, sweet wind blows, the trees rustle in jubilation

Slowly I watch as the sky grows darker, the songs in my ear grow more powerful

I feel like singing aloud

My lungs swell with the want of song, but what a spectacle I would make

So I swallow the song and let the dreams of another day take me away

I grab the grass and fear to ever let go

Because the sky looks so big and wanting

If I let go I may drift away into the clouds and the stars

Then I let go

I let myself free, I drift into the world that I can only dream about

Then I remember that I am still laying on my patch of grass

nestled in the arms of the earth

The grass tickles my nose and tangles in my hair

And I know that there is nowhere that I would rather be

* the song that I am referring to that I am listening to is Kings and Queens by 30 seconds to Mars* 

School

One of my earliest memories of going to school was when I was in the first grade, sure I can remember school memories before that but this one just is burned into my memories for good. And it goes something like this...

I'm floating through a dream that is gradually fizzling away through a cloud as I awake.

My mom is carefully shaking my shoulder and whispering, "Hannah its time to get up sweetie,"

She didn't need to tell me why, because I knew that school was here. 

I don't dread school, I dread getting ready for school in the morning.

But today was different because on the first day of first grade I got up and walked to the bathroom

reached up on the shelf where I had clothes that I could easily reach and picked out a yellow tank top 

and blue shorts, I put on my new tennis shoes and put barretts in my hair to keep my bangs out of my eyes, and got my stuff. This may seem like a normal morning for everyone else but

I was a very particular child, usually I would scream in protest as someone would try to pry me from my bed, my mom would try to comb out my hair as I ran around the house with the brush stuck in my hair. Then THE SOCKS, I hated socks, still do, I would have my mom put them on for me and it would always feel funny, something would be out of place, sometimes mom would have to massage my socks into place to get me to stop complaining. But eventually we would get out the door, put me and Ian on the bus and I would be at school. School was always my favorite time of day, I got to see all of my friends and I learned how everything worked in the world. Still to this day I love school though I HATE getting up in the morning and fixing my hair, finding clothes that don't make me look fat, then finding my shoes and somehow getting breakfast of some sort in my stomach before I kill someone. 

Okay So as you can imagine, I am quite a handful in the morning, but despite all of these things I am actually a  morning person, because you don't actually have to tell me to get up because I know when its time for me to get up. But I am not like other kids who lay out their clothes the night before and can go through their mornings in a snap but I have to put on and take off about 4 different outfits before I decide that I look presentable. That is why I do my hair BEFORE I get dressed unless it is an off morning and I am actually happy with my outfit the first time I put one on. I either straighten my hair into submission or simply let it be, let it be crazy wavy and untameable. then I wake up Ian, I actually have to do this at least twice or else he NEVER wakes up. Then I find some form of breakfast and try to chill for a while before I leave at precisely 8:00 a.m. so that we can stand at the bus stop and wait for the bus driver to roll up and ask us about our summers and make our way up to the school where I stumble my way to my homeroom before I freak out about where my classes are. Then everything is gravy once I know where I gotta be, I love to learn, and I utterly retain every bit of information that I am given. After all photographic memory will do that to ya. And truth be told I love to take notes because if I hear a lecture and I write it down I remember it better, if you just hand me a piece of paper and say read this, then I wont retain diddly. So how do you learn, I have to learn it see it, have examples, explanations and stories. I need to be told and shown :) are you like me?

child star triple threats and californication

Are you talented? I bet you are in one form or another, and who hasn't ever wanted to be famous? Of course everyone has wanted to be famous in one form or another. And something about the world that really pisses me off is the fact that if you ever want to get famous you need the triple threat, singing, dancing, and acting. There is no such thing as specialized talents anymore, like back in the good old days you could just be a singer and get far or just be a dancer and people realize you by name or be in a movie and not have to sing and dance along with it. I've noticed this I have also figured out that some people that want to make it big always promise themselves that they wont take any short cuts and that they wont do anything that is "bunny worthy" but many think, oh well its only for a while, its temporary. But after that they are permanently marked as a "bunny" or "center fold". , its just I wanted to write about this because I was listening to the song "Hollywood is not America" and "Californication" and it made me really think , this is so true, so many girls think that if you want to make it big anywhere in the world that you have to sell yourself to the public, though nobody should ever have to drop that low. In my opinion if you ever want to make it big anywhere you just have to be bold, and out there, your personality must be outstanding and you must be likeable or else your not gonna get anywhere.
Another thing, Disney Channel child stars, okay there has not been one show that I have ever watched on that channel when at least one character per show also sings or dances. I mean REALLY!? I especially hate Miley Cyrus because you know that the only reason she even got the job was because the people who cast the show knew that her dad was Billy Ray Cyrus and they were just like, "Hey two birds one stone, Miley can you make your daddy be your daddy on the show too? oh well thats great thanks darlin'" and I absolutely hate that show because when you watch it Miley's voice just grates on my nerves like you would not believe and also because she acts terrible on the show and my little sister would watch it and imitate her and it made her rude for a while, THANK GOD THAT WE GOT RID OF CABLE!!! But other than Miley Cyrus I don't think that I actually mind anyone else because  everyone else can actually sing. Though its just annoying that you need to know how to sing and dance to be on the shows, though Im not much of a fan of Demi Lavato either I mean her singing is so-so but I have no clue why but I got pissed off when her gap magically disappeared maybe its because I have a gap that wont go away but aside from that it just pissed me off. And the only person that I actually don't mind at all on Disney is Selena Gomez, because she can actually sing really well, dance nicely, and she is good at acting though she usually plays a sarcastic person though she does it well. Who knew? Anyway moving on
In my opinion when you are an actress act like one, project your voice, talk with your hands, eye contact. Dancers don't walk, pirouette, twirl, move your feet, make people want to watch .
Singers, do what you do best, sing, fill an empty space with your notes and make your trip at the mall seem like your best performance at Albert Hall.
And most of all just smile, and be yourself because you cannot do better than being yourself

And I sigh

I can't sleep because all I think about is your smile. I lie awake thinking about how these blankets seem so cold compared to your arms around me. I want to speak by have nothing to say I want to listen but I don't hear the sound. I look around but everything feels empty without you. Where is the warm yellow glow of the afternoon and the smile on your face that would immediately turn into concern the minute that I would sigh. Oh a sigh, one of relief and happiness, taking in sweet air that smells of lavender and grass. I let out the lavender air and all my negative energy flows outward and is absorbed into the world around me. This is my wonderland I am Alice though I do not seek any white rabbit I seek the peace and refuge of memories of a place that I am not sure even exists but I have memories of it. You and me are laying in a field of grass, lavender, daisies and golden sunshine that flows though the trees caressing our faces, you do not know that I have taken you with me to this enchanted place deep into the recesses of my mind. Though there you are, your strong hands gripping the grass between your grasping fingers reminding me of an infant that has just discovered their hands, waving, grasping, clutching, holding. You reach out and pull me closer, taking my hand and place it over your heart. Your heart beating like a drum, I tap out th rhythim and make the lyrics. The lyrics sound like a deep sigh of lavender and grass in a meadow far away. I blink and here I am again looking next to me there you are looking concerned about my sighing and you ask me what's wrong. I simply answer, happiness and yellow meadows

Babies

Who loves babies? I know I do, in fact I loved babies even when I was a baby. My mom used to tell me that we would be in a store and I would be sitting in the cart and I would hear a baby cry and I would yell, "Baby!!!". Then if we ever happened to pass by the mother with her crying baby I would give the mother a look, a look I have mastered that is called "the evil eye" but whenever we would pass them that look would come up and I would think what is wrong with you!? Hold your baby, you don't just let your baby cry!! Even to this day I love babies and whenever I see them crying I just want to hold them and rock them. Just the other day my boyfriend and I were sitting on the couch with his family trying to decide what to get from the On Demand thing on their T.V. and I saw the movie that I wanted and I yelled "BABIES!!!!" my boyfriend looked over at me and said, "sweetie only you want to watch that." Its so unfair when all you have to work with in his house is his little brother who is obsessed with rock and roll and my BF who likes action and anything other than that is unimportant. I wish that for once I could pick something out. But anyways back to the subject, when I was little about 3 or 4 or so, my brothers used to have to convince me that there were babies in every movie that they watched whether it was Batman or Return of the Jedi, so I would let them watch it and I would watch patiently then when I finally realized that there were no babies in any of these movies, I would get up and carry my little baby doll with me. I want kids, in fact I want at least 4, and I want it to either be split down the middle two boys and two girls. Though I know that, that only happens sometimes. Like for my family there is me and Rowan, and Ian and Gabe. Though if I can't have kids I want to adopt them from different countries, preferably an Asian country because in my opinion some of the most beautiful babies are of Asian decent. Like my cousin Tony he got married to a beautiful Filipino lady named Anne and they have three gorgeous children, Christopher, Jason, and little baby Isabella. And they all have beautiful silky black hair and dark eyes. Even when I was little I wanted to be oriental or marry a oriental man, though instead I have my lovely boyfriend Dustin, whom I have been dating for one year. But I'm still determined to adopt babies especially if I have three and they are all boys because I want at least one little girl. :)

Light it up

From my perch I look out, the waves crash violently and the clouds in the sky swirl malevolently. Dark blues and indigos curl and uncurl revealing shocking bolts of lightning.I feel I'll at ease yet completely unaffected by the scary goings ons. It feels natural every flash of lightning makes the sea more angry. The sky is teasing the malicious waters. I feel as if Poseidon is angry at Zeus for flaunting his daunting abilities to light the evening sky like a chandeliered ballroom. I wish I could understand the wonders of the world but most of he time I am perfectly happy with knowing what I do about the world and not wanting to question it. Anyhow I love it when you can visually see the sky and sea battling, it's a beautiful struggle. So who likes rain and thunder like me?

Sirens songs

Okay I just went outside on the deck again and the clouds had cleared some and it let the moon shine directly on the water. And I suddenly realized something, have you ever heard about how sailors have supposedly been lead to their deaths by sirens songs? Okay I just realized that when I was looking at the moon on the water that I swear to dear baby Jesus that I could hear singing and I wasn't even plugged into my Ipod. I stared at the waves come in and I saw the moon shining and I felt like I wanted to go in the water. Though my more rational side of my mind reminded me that going into the ocean at night is like a death wish, but I still wanted to go. Its almost like if you stare at the ocean too long that you want to become part of it. So in my own opinion I believe that "sirens" are actually the ocean and the moon who want to lure those who are eager for the waves and the feel of water running through your hair, your fingers. Everything free and hazy, everything so close and so far away. You know where you are but have absolutely no clue. The feeling was frightening and intriguing, I wanted it but was aware of its wrongness.

In fact when I was little my cousin and me were both always aware of things that were out of the ordinary, we both believed in fairies and witches and mermaids. We always knew that there is something mystical about life. We used to pretend to be witches in her backyard and we would have a big bowl that was our cauldron and we would pick clovers and every single piece of vegetation that was around and make it into some sort of potion. And when we were at the pool or in a lake or anywhere with water we would be mermaids and would swim with our legs "glued" together and we would go into the house and use scarves and pieces of cloth as materials to make our "tails". And every single time that we ever played "make believe" I somehow knew that some sort of mystical truth could be behind it. Like sirens who lure people to their deaths who sing such sweet songs that the victim could not resist and would continue to swim deeper and deeper into the depths of the sea and the song. Eventually finding the song in the sweet swolling ocean, pushing and pulling all at once. Finding what the true meaning of the song means and knowing that its too late to change their fate.

                                              Love of the sea, love of the sea
                                              My dear never wander too near
                                              When the moon is high and the waves brake
                                               The Sirens call to those who awake
                                               They hear the call and they cannot stop
                                               The song is so sweet that the sea comes with a swift chop
                                              Nothing else matters, I really don't care
                                              Then I enter the Sirens lair
                                              The warmth is cold and the cold is warm
                                              Then my last bit of air bubbles out in a swarm
                                               Its too late now, my heart too weak
                                              The sirens have found the weak one they seek
                                              Never heed a Sirens call
                                              Or else too the seas you shall fall